"I Want to Leave Room in My Life to be Inspired"

This summer I have had the privilege of meeting one of the most inspiring people. She isn't someone you read about in the New York Times, or a critically acclaimed author (watch out, she might be someday). Technically, she's just my boss. But I feel that each day I come into the office I leave just a little bit wiser. She could talk to wall if she had to, and I wouldn't be surprised if the wall eventually talked back just because she is just that captivating. About a month ago she and I had a conversation about where we're going in life. I, of course, talk about my plans of law school and how I'll never deviate from my plan. She, however, says that she would be content to start something new. And there I sat confused. This woman is so successful in her career, but yet she would be happy to just start all over. I asked about this, and told me a story of a boy who was inspired by a professor and led a very successful life, but much different from the one he had planned before he met this professor. She then says to me, "I want to be like that. I want to leave room in my life to be inspired." And I kind of felt like I had been hit over the head. These are the words that I search for through countless songs and literature, and here I was sitting across a desk from a person who just inspired me more than any song or book. And I've been holding on to what she said that day. Does my plan leave room for that inspiration? I feel that there are times that I feel I receive inspiration, but then don't know what to do with it. I want to do something bigger than me, but what? I seem to always play on the safe side. I hope my semester abroad will allow me act on my inspiration. I want to do things that I never thought I'd do; push myself to new extremes. Most of all, I want to find me. I want to live and love. I want to be inspired.

"You realize that the sun don't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"

Listening to:

Do You Realize? - The Flaming Lips

So the past few days have been the best days of summer, by far. Three of my best friends in the world came to visit me in Memphis. It's funny that it took people from home to show me how much I really do enjoy this city. They found beauty in things that I take for granted. I absolutely loved getting to take them around and show them, what is now, "my town". Last night we went to a hookah bar and had a great conversation that varied from things like our future careers, relationships, to even our childhood. I talked about how my childhood has caused me to go for a career that will guarantee me stability rather than doing a job that I want more than anything to do. It brings up the question of when do we take risks to feel fulfilled, and when does it cross the line of practicality? Like if I strove to achieve my dream job, I think I absolutely could one day do it. But because of my childhood, I don't think that I can make the sacrifices it would take to actually reach that ultimate goal. But when I'm 40 will I be bitter that I never took the risk? I have so many things I want to do with my life ; I want to travel, own vineyards, learn an instrument, maybe fall in love. But to do these things it all seems to lead to the point that I need to have financial stability, even if that means doing something that I don't absolutely love. So does that mean that the ends satisfy the means? I feel like I'm going to get so caught up in achieving "the means" that I am going to forget to live. I want to be this carefree person who throws caution to the wind, but at the end of the day it comes down to me being afraid to not do life by the book. I just want to be happy, and I feel like I'm coming up to that checkpoint in life that at whichever road I take is going to determine my happiness and it'll be awhile before I get to the next checkpoint to do something different. And in the end, I know I am over thinking things; I should just be worrying about "the now", but it's in my nature to worry about "the then". Just something to think about...

I hope this what I am doing when I'm 80: