One doesn't have to be the loneliest number

Relationships aren't me. There is really no getting by that. It's just not really what I'm into. Maybe one day when the time is right it'll be for me, but not any time soon. Besides, I don't feel it is something you plan. It isn't like the world is a marketplace where you go find "the right one" or even "the one to just pass the time." When it is right, it'll happen. I think when people try to force themselves out of their loneliness is where everything goes wrong. When you try to feel something with someone else just because you want to feel something, anything, that is when there is trouble. You cannot find yourself through someone else, no matter how hard you try. What is going to happen down the line is you realizing you are only a shell of someone, and what you are projecting to the world is someone else. You are someone else's image because you tried to find yourself through another person. How can you ever be truly you that way? This is when we see the bitter breakups and the ugly divorces.

Obviously I haven't found myself. And it'll probably take a while for me to do so. If someone comes along for the ride, then let them. But being single doesn't define me. And I'm doing just fine.

Listening to:

Pyro - Kings of Leon

Everlasting Light - The Black Keys

It starts with a flood and ends with a tr-tr-trickle

What can I do to help?

As long as you ask at a convenient time.

I'm here to talk if you need it!

But as long as we can only talk about you for a few minutes. Oh, and please do not talk about anything real. That makes me uncomfortable.

Tell me about you! What's going on?

But please keep it limited to good gossip. If there is nothing to gossip about, I'm not interested.

Why do you feel like that?

Can't you just, like, get over it already?

I know what you mean!

Because I want to minimize what you're feeling so we can somehow make this about me...duh.

I'm always here!

Especially if you want me to look at you like you're pathetic. Oh! And I can remind you why my life is worse!

Are you sure you're ok?

Oh, did I mention that there is really only one answer to this? Otherwise I can't deal with you.

Why can't you be a good friend?

It's not like there is something actually wrong with you. You're just being dramatic.

When the gust came around to blow me down, I held on as tightly as you held on to me

co·de·pend·ent - adj.

of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way.

Dictionary.com is pretty good at giving the definitions to words that I think are most fitting. It was not until today I learned a completely new concept of the word codependent, and realized that I am an extremely codependent person.

But how can that be? I'm not addicted to anyone. I don't have a problem with alcohol or gambling. So how on earth could I possibly be codependent?

As I sat down to write, I thought I would write out my entire thought process and the lesson that I learned today that led me to my conclusion, but I am not. Part of my codependency is the need for others to understand me, and that would be all I am doing in writing it out. Normally I write on here to have a moment of self realization, but I've already had that today.

So my real thought today is that I want you to question what is around you. Just because it is the "norm" doesn't mean that is supposed to be. You don't always have to be something for someone. Be something for you.

Listening to:

Down by the Water - The Drums