But I am older now...

Lately I have been obsessed with the concept of "growing up" and a "loss of innocence". I don't know why I have been constantly thinking about it. I have been doing a lot of reflection and I am always wondering what it means to grow up. I know plenty of "adults" who I think are still growing up. Do we ever stop growing up? The phrase "I was young and naive" always seems applicable. I can say it now referring to high school. When I am thirty I can say it in reference to my twenties. When I am forty I can say it in reference to my thirties, and so forth. Sometimes I think I am scared that I will always be running and will never be settling down. And that is not completely a bad thing. But I think I want that point where I take a deep breath and say, "I did that when I was young and I did it because I was young." And then there is a loss of innocence. As a lover of literature, my favorite works are those that are "coming of age stories" where there is a loss of innocence. There is something so beautiful about that to me, even if that loss is sometimes tragic. It's beautifully tragic. But then I come back to real life. Our innocence is often lost when we crash into life. And it is very rare that crash is anything but a mess. Do I love the concept so much now? I don't know if I have an answer to that question. Maybe reflection on it is poetic, but when it happens it hurts like hell. So is that beautiful tragedy worth it? Would we still choose to have that loss for the sake of its symbolism and the growing we do?