I Can't Think You're Mean Because I Volunteered to be Misled

"This bitter earth,

Well, what fruit it bears.

What good is love that no one shares?

And if my life is like the dust

that hides the glow of a rose,

What good am I?

Heaven

Only knows.

Lord, this bitter earth

Yes can be so cold.

Today you're young,

Too soon, you're old.

But a voice within me cries,

I'm sure someone may answer my call.

And this bitter earth may not be so bitter after all."

I really have a lot going on emotionally right now in my life. I am dealing with things that I thought I had buried for good. And newly, someone I consider to be a big part of my life is about to leave to start a new beginning. Honestly, I feel ecstatic for him. He is going to do such great things, and he really needs this. But on the other hand, there goes one of the first consistent things in my life in a long time. I have already played this game before, and last time I lost. I can only describe what I am going through as if I am standing underneath a gate. Before the gate drops I can either go out into the world, or I can close myself off. Obviously, the latter isn't the one I want, but I am scared it is the one I am going to do. I feel like I am down on the ground, and every time I am almost able to get back up again I am pushed back down. I am in a town where I feel like I know everybody and nobody at the same time. There is just nothing that I connect to here. The obvious solution would be to go somewhere else. But where is that? Am I able to pick up and start all over? Again? I just feel lost. But this time I don't know who is going to find me.