Third Wheel.

When looking at the group dynamic of my friends, I'm constantly what some people would call "the third wheel." That is not necessarily a bad thing. I've always been the girl who doesn't do the whole committed relationship thing, even though a majority of my friends do. And you can constantly find me hanging out with my friend and their significant other. That's just the way it has always kind of worked. Occasionally I will find that it can bother me, but for the most part I'm fine with it. That is until this last weekend. I went home to visit with friends over the weekend, which was extremely nice. But on Saturday I found myself in our favorite local coffee shop sitting with four of my friends. But these four friends were couples, so I was playing fifth wheel rather than third wheel. As they were talking, I had one of those "this is my life" moments. I became extremely disturbed that this was the role I was always playing. Whether I am in the coffee shop, or sitting in my room with my roommate and her boyfriend, my role is always lonely girl. Now, this is not some desperate plea for me to have a significant other anytime soon; it's more of me wonder why I cast myself in the role that always is alone. Because of my "love" to push people away, I know I do this intentionally (even if it is through my subconscious). That's kind of sad, isn't it? As I sat down to write this, I was hoping that I would come to some revelation about how I should fix it, but the truth is, I have no clue. I know I'll continue to be the third wheel as I always am. I am a huge proponent of making the change you want, but I have no idea how to make this change. There is not a way to change my DNA to make me a second wheel, or even a first or fourth. Just my thoughts for the night...

Listening to:

Tighten Up - The Black Keys