Pain Comes in Stages. If we don't make it, nothing changes

"I'll find strength in pain, and I will change my ways."

For those who do not know me, you might not know that the past year has been extremely hard on me. And for many who do know me, you might not know either. If you had asked me about my mental state two months ago, I would have told you I've surrendered. The pain was too much to bear. It wasn't until a friend reminded me of one of my favorite songs the other day (Paint the Silence - South) that I realized how my mental state has changed. The lyrics are:

How can you say your life is empty
So late in the day
Why would you stay another second
Now your sights got in the way
A combination of love and aggression
Another second lived

Don't paint the silence black now save me
Don't leave it a day
You got a right to stand or die so maybe
You take chances all the same
Pain comes in stages if we don't make it
Nothing changes

Now the violence sleeps inside
Abandoned feeling for just a piece of mind
It's the reason why your teething side frustrates me (irates me)

Don't leave me to pick up on your questions
Not even a day
It's alright to finish up your sentence
You talk all the same
Pain comes in stages if we don't make it
Nothing changes

I have a new feeling of not wanting to succumb. I do not want this thing inside of me to win. Does that make it less painful? No. But if I cannot make it through this, then what have I accomplished? I am a goal setter. Surrendering is not a goal. So I have finally come up with my New Years resolution:

I am going to fight. And I am fighting for me, not because others tell me to.

So here is to keeping our resolutions.

Listening to:

Paint the Silence - South